Funny Joke

This website has many of jokes,funny pictures.Wish you happy every day!

The speaker of a parish priest to leave three weeks because of illness. In order not to delay the faithful weekly mass, from other parishes brought a vicar generation.

Pleasure of the pastor is very lazy, took people’s money, to be lazy.

First on Sunday, he went to church to hear mass believers said: “You know what I want to tell?” Believers shook his head said: “We don’t know.” Pastor said: “You want to tell me what all don’t understand, that I speak for half a day will have what use?! I’m busy work, you go back and read the Bible first, next week I speaking again.”

Second Sunday, he came to the church, asking to hear mass believers: “Do you know what I want to tell?” Believers experience learned last Sunday, nodded and said: “We all understand.” Pastor said: “Now that you know everything I have to say, that you want me to tell what is the use?! I’m busy work, you go back and read the Bible, I will come again next week.”

Third Sunday, he came to the church, asking to hear mass believers: “Do you know what I want to tell?” Disciples learned the experience of two on Sunday, well in advance to discuss countermeasures, part of believers nodded and said: “We all understand.” Another part of the believers shook his head said: “We don’t know.”

Pastor said: “In this case, I’m busy work, those who know to those who don’t know about it. Bye.”

However, have you ever thought about having children really enjoy going to school every day or sometimes they just go for it becomes routine or habit? This is the key to practice Piano teacher Richmond every day. If children practice the piano every day, soon enough, it will become a routine and it will become a part of their lives, such as going to school.
A key aspect to consider when purchasing changing room benches is comfort level. As most players that come and use these changing room benches have just completed a long and strenuous workout or game, they need to sit down somewhere that will relieve their stress and help them to feel at ease. changing room benches are kept small in size but do a great deal to relieve people of any aches. It is made sure that these benches are kept very smooth during their making so that there is no sharp corner left that may damage any player.

After many years, Cinderella finally reached the ripe age of 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she now happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella says, “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years”?
The fairy godmother replied, “Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. I’m prepared to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?” Cinderella was taken back, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:
“The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I’m living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I am wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said, “Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother”
“It is the least that I can do,” replies her Fairy Godmother. “What do you want for your second wish?”
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, “I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.”
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: “You have one more wish; what shall it be?”
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, “I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.”
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
“Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life!” And with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the Fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…
“Bet you’re sorry you neutered me.”

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”
“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said. “How well can you do?” “Ummmm… I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.
“My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says…

After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout in a bucket. He is approached by a Conservation Officer who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, “I was not fishing and I did not catch these browns, they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and dump these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I’m ready to go I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home. The officer not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “If you don’t believe me then watch,” as he throws the trout back into the water.

The warden says, “Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will jump out of the water and into the bucket.”

The fisherman turns to the officer and says, “What fish?”

A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, “Sweetie, why don’t you give me a blowjob?”

“What? You’re crazy???!!!”

“Don’t worry, it will be quick, no problem.”

“No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor…”

“At this time of the night no one will show up..”

“I’ve already said NO, and NO!”

“Honey, it’s just a small blowie… I know you like it too..”

“NO!!! I’ve said NO!!!”

“My love.. don’t be like that..”

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says. “Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God’s sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!”

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6 year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

Better to be safe than…………………………..punch a 5th grader
Strike while the ……………………………………bug is close
It’s always darkest before……………………..Daylight Saving Time
Never underestimate the power of………….termites
You can lead a horse to water but…………..how?
Don’t bite the hand that…………………………looks dirty
No news is……………………………………………impossible
A miss is as good as a……………………………Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new………………math
If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………………stink in the morning
Love all, trust……………………………………….me
The pen is mightier than the…………………..pigs
An idle mind is………………………………………the best way to relax
Where there’s smoke there’s………………….pollution
Happy the bride who……………………………..gets all the presents
A penny saved is…………………………………..not much
Two’s company, three’s………………………….the Musketeers
Don’t put off till tomorrow what……………….you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and…..you have to blow your nose
There are none so blind as……………………..Stevie Wonder
Children should be seen and not……………..spanked or grounded
If at first you don’t succeed…………………….get new batteries
You get out of something only what you…..see in the picture on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind…………….get out of the way
Better late than…………………………………….pregnant

All kinds of animal life!

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.”

I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?” “It was great, Dad.” “Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked.

“Oh Yeah” said the son. “So what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.

The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”

With this the boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added, “Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are.”